Wins and Loses

I don’t know how to feel about today. It was a mixed bag.

First of all, I was craving Chipotle. Chipotle is my very favorite fast food kinda place. I get the barbacoa burrito and it is heaven. I looked up the points and I gave it some thought. The nearest Chipotle to me is 3.3 miles away. I figured I could work the points into my dailies and get some fit points in by walking all the way there.

So that’s what I did! That’s longer than I’ve walked in a very long time. But I made it!

I got my burrito. The problem was that I got full about 2/3 of the way through, yet I didn’t stop eating. I gave myself a little stomach ache. Yes, I was in my points, but I should’ve stopped eating when I was full. I felt so stupid afterword.

I walked around the mall some, and I came across a Jamba Juice. I figured, as far as treats go, I could do worse. So I looked up the points and got a damned smoothie. And you know what? It was delicious.

I didn’t make the healthiest choices, or the smartest use of my points, but I tracked it and stayed in my points. Although it did take up all of my points for the day, so if I want to use any points for dinner I’ll have to use some weeklies.

I’m not beating myself up over anything, just examining my behavior and seeing what I can learn from it. I am proud of those 3.3 miles though! Yay!

Gen

Uh Oh… Snacks.

Ok. I bought a few snacks. And not the “carrot stick” kind of snacks.

As I said yesterday I needed food with higher points. What has lots of points? Crap. But I bought it at Trader Joe’s so it can’t be that bad, right? 🙂 But honestly I don’t think I did too bad, as long as I can exercise some self-discipline.

That’s the kicker though, right? That’s the crux of the whole problem. Self-discipline.

I bought these baby ice cream cones which are adorable and 4 points each, which is fine and will help me reach my daily goal. The problem starts if I don’t stop at 1. I bought a chocolate bar and want to try to eat just 1 (large) square a day. Is it possible? I don’t know. I bought fruit bars and kettle corn. The trick will be moderation, to eat them as snacks and not my main source of points.

This will be a huge test of my willpower. This is inviting some serious disappointment in myself. BUT, if I can stay in control it will be a nice success! I bought them mindfully, I feel optimistic that I can eat them the same way. We’ll see how this experiment goes…

Gen

Not Eating ENOUGH???

I never thought I’d have this problem. My whole life I’ve struggled with eating too much, suddenly I’m eating too little??

I am now in the weird position of having too many daily points. Weight Watchers assigns point values to food, then gives you a daily goal number. The heavier you are the more points you get, so I have quite a few. 58 to be exact. Now that I’m eating healthier I don’t know how to eat all my points! And you are supposed to eat all of them. If I was still eating pizza and ice cream every day I could hit it no problem, but I don’t want to go back to that, that’s the type of behavior I’m trying to change! I need to figure out what healthier foods are higher in points.

I asked on connect and I got the response: avocados, peanut butter, and nuts – all of which I can’t stand (I know, I’m weird!). They also said dairy products and pasta, which I can do.

I don’t know. I have to go back to the store I think. What I have in my house is so low in points that I was forcing myself to eat more when I wasn’t hungry, and that’s not good!! We’ll see how I can adjust throughout the week and we’ll see if I actually lose weight this way (I’m skeptical). If it doesn’t go well I might try simply filling instead. Most of the food in my fridge works with the simply filling plan anyway.

On the other hand, that might be why I gained a few pounds back already – I actually was eating too little and my body started trying to hold on to the weight? I dunno.

If anyone else has ideas for healthy foods that might be high in points, let me know!

Gen

Only so much gum…

I’m doing the thing where you weigh yourself about 15 times a day. This is not good! Luckily I don’t get super discouraged when it hasn’t gone down, but I’m very impatient so I do get a bit frustrated when I haven’t lost any weight in the past hour. I don’t know what to do- drive myself crazy by looking at it too often, or drive myself crazy by waiting to weigh in. What do you think?

Another problem I’m having: no “reason” to go on walks. Being so heavy still I want to take it easy on myself for the moment and just get my exercise in by walking. The problem is that I can’t motivate myself to walk unless I have a goal, somewhere to walk to, something to get done. Walking aimlessly just to walk drives me insane. The only place within reasonable walking distance (before I work myself up to longer walks) is a grocery store, and I don’t have the money to go buy stuff every day. Maybe a pack of gum, but there’s only so much gum a girl needs.

On top of that problem I need some good walking shoes, the ones I have right now hurt my feet and ankles. My flip-flops hurt less, but they’re not good for my poor feet either. That’s what I am going to buy with my next paycheck! New shoes! Yay! I’m thinking hiking boots. That’s what I wore on my long-distance walk a couple of years back and I loved them. What shoes do you like? Maybe I should try something new!

Other than that it’s going well. My obsessive weighing-in has told me I am down another 2.5 pounds already since Wednesday, so if I don’t slip up it’s shaping up to be another big-loss week.

Here are some “before” pics I took (actually 10 pounds down already) on Wednesday at 332 pounds. My Plan is to take progress pictures once a month.

If anyone reads this and has their own weight-loss blog, let me know! Or if you have any to recommend! I’m looking for more people to follow.

Gonna go walk to the grocery store now! See ya!

 

Gen

Third Time’s a Charm???

This is my first week at Weight Watchers this go-round. I have been here twice before. The first time I was ridiculously successful, losing 105lb in 10 months. Then I took a break from the program while I went on a long-distance walk. I gained on my walk but nothing too drastic (for me anyway), but for some reason it was really, really difficult to jump back in to WW. I wanted to, I missed everyone at my meetings and I missed feeling good about how I ate, but I just couldn’t bring myself to go back. After a few months I finally made it in, but didn’t stay long. I think I went 2 or 3 weeks before I stopped again. Why? I couldn’t say exactly.

I found out pretty recently that I have bipolar 2 disorder. One of the things that means for me is that I sink into depression pretty regularly. One thing I’ve started to learn is that I have to jump and make good choices when I’m in a good head-space. This past week has been pretty great for me! I don’t know if it’s the new meds taking effect or if I am just finally out of my last depressive phase. Either way, I’ve been unnaturally productive, cleaning my whole house, writing songs, putting together a puzzle, getting overdue work done.

I’ve been feeling pretty down on myself lately, in part because of yet another failed attempt at romance, and I wanted to do something to feel better about myself. I bought some new make-up, a cute sweater and a necklace I’ve been wanting. I knew these things were just temporary though, and I wanted a long term solution. I wanted to be more in-charge of my life, more confident, working actively toward a better me.

My productive mood combined with this want led me to pull out the damned credit card and sign back up. The next morning I left my house at 6:00am to walk the 3 miles to my meeting. Back to my old (good) routine.

I have gained 75lb from my lowest weight and I have crept back up too close to 300lb for comfort. I am very optimistic that I can get back into the plan this time, but definitely have the fear that it’ll be a repeat of my last failed attempt. I have to focus on how good it feels to be on plan and in charge of my food (and not the other way around).

I want to make this a clean start. I will leave my old stats up but start fresh with new numbers. I will still refer to the old ones, but this is a new start, I don’t want to combine it with my last attempts. I hope to be as successful as my first go-round and then to stay for lifetime!

Best wishes ❤

Gen