Finally a Good Day

So I’m back. Again.

Does this make 4? It’s getting hard to keep track. I’ve been back at weight watchers, going to meetings and attempting to track points, for 3 weeks now I think? I’ve been gaining every week. I’ve had the “I’ll start tomorrow so better eat as much as I can tonight” mindset this whole time, until today.

Today I tracked, today I stayed within my points, today I didn’t binge eat pizza and ice cream telling myself it would be the last time. I’m sure I’ll have a gain at my meeting again tomorrow but I’m going to keep this going and maybe next week I’ll finally see a loss. And hopefully I’ll come back here to talk about it with you either way.

Gen

A Gain, But Good Too

Whamp whamp.

I can tell you exactly what my problem was this past week – boredom eating. I am in between jobs so am home all day and I eat like every half hour! The stuff I ate wasn’t terrible, but there was waaaaayy too much of it. I gained 2.6lb. Ouch.

But you know what? I went to my meeting even knowing I had gained. That’s a win. And it was my third meeting back, which means I’ve made it longer than I did last time around! I’m not happy I gained, but I’m happy I’m still here.

I also signed up for the local community center last week! I have gone swimming, used their fitness center, and taken zumba and yoga classes! I feel really  good about that. Also, it’s a half-hour walk away, so I’m getting my walking in as well.

Also, I got a job!!! My friend convinced me to interview with Starbucks and I got it. Hopefully that will help with the boredom eating! I’m excited to have a bit of a normal job again, and one that’s pretty flexible around my film shoot schedules.

I just want a loss this Sunday, even a small one. Hope all of your weeks are going well!!

Gen

Third Time’s a Charm???

This is my first week at Weight Watchers this go-round. I have been here twice before. The first time I was ridiculously successful, losing 105lb in 10 months. Then I took a break from the program while I went on a long-distance walk. I gained on my walk but nothing too drastic (for me anyway), but for some reason it was really, really difficult to jump back in to WW. I wanted to, I missed everyone at my meetings and I missed feeling good about how I ate, but I just couldn’t bring myself to go back. After a few months I finally made it in, but didn’t stay long. I think I went 2 or 3 weeks before I stopped again. Why? I couldn’t say exactly.

I found out pretty recently that I have bipolar 2 disorder. One of the things that means for me is that I sink into depression pretty regularly. One thing I’ve started to learn is that I have to jump and make good choices when I’m in a good head-space. This past week has been pretty great for me! I don’t know if it’s the new meds taking effect or if I am just finally out of my last depressive phase. Either way, I’ve been unnaturally productive, cleaning my whole house, writing songs, putting together a puzzle, getting overdue work done.

I’ve been feeling pretty down on myself lately, in part because of yet another failed attempt at romance, and I wanted to do something to feel better about myself. I bought some new make-up, a cute sweater and a necklace I’ve been wanting. I knew these things were just temporary though, and I wanted a long term solution. I wanted to be more in-charge of my life, more confident, working actively toward a better me.

My productive mood combined with this want led me to pull out the damned credit card and sign back up. The next morning I left my house at 6:00am to walk the 3 miles to my meeting. Back to my old (good) routine.

I have gained 75lb from my lowest weight and I have crept back up too close to 300lb for comfort. I am very optimistic that I can get back into the plan this time, but definitely have the fear that it’ll be a repeat of my last failed attempt. I have to focus on how good it feels to be on plan and in charge of my food (and not the other way around).

I want to make this a clean start. I will leave my old stats up but start fresh with new numbers. I will still refer to the old ones, but this is a new start, I don’t want to combine it with my last attempts. I hope to be as successful as my first go-round and then to stay for lifetime!

Best wishes ❤

Gen

Ugh. Blah. Blergh.

I don’t even feel like doing my normal weigh-in post. I gained. A lot. Like, A LOT a lot.

My friend was in town for a whole week. I loved seeing him, I loved that he came up here, I just don’t love how it screwed up my routine and how poorly I handled it. Terrible choices happened all week long, and have continued on since he left. I gained 9 freakin pounds in one week my friends, and I’m sure it hasn’t stopped yet.

Things started out fine, I made choices that were indulgent compared to my normal habits, but I was keeping the portions reasonable. As the week continued it just got out of control. By the end of the week I had totally given up trying and after he left I started truly bingeing. As you probably know I was so close to losing 100 pounds. I am frustrated.

I obviously still have a whole lot of work to do, the reminder that the old habits are still there just waiting to be let out… it’s so depressing. On my next shopping trip I will stock up on the good stuff and try to wrangle this monster back into submission. I’m so tired of eating till I feel sick. I’m tired of cookies and chocolate and pizza and brownies. I’m just tired. I would have been okay with gaining because my friend was in town, I am NOT okay with the spiraling that happened after he left. I’m trying to be gentle with myself. It’s not easy.

I’m definitely not giving in or giving up, I just sometimes wish the fight wasn’t this hard. Big setbacks like this are just kind of soul-sucking.

Sorry for the bummer post, I almost didn’t even write anything this week but I feel like admitting to you guys what’s going on will help me get back on track.

Here are my March photos. I almost didn’t put these up either because I took them before I gained a gazillion pounds back, but I think I look pretty damn good in them and I know I’ll get back there soon. Oh yeah, I don’t think I mentioned yet that I shaved off my hair 🙂 So yeah, that’s a thing that happened.

I’m pretty sure I’ll have another gain this week, but I feel the tides turning and I think pretty soon here I’ll be back in control. I think I need a plan of attack, I need to develop a strategy for the next time this happens. ohfiuhiuhgnphqwefouywgjnooifnkjdfhofjg. And that’s all I have to say about that.

See ya next time, hopefully a little more cheerful.

Gen